Is your significant other now an insignificant piece of ####?
Do you know someone who'sdown in the dumps after a recent dumping?
Well LAMENT NO MORE, depressed lonely people!
For we havethe ultimate super boozy pleasure-inducing deliciously sweet giftto turn those frowns upside down. Say hello to theHEARTBREAK HAMPER:
What's included in the Heartbreak Hamper, you ask? Well...
POUR DECISIONS CHARDONNAY
The tipple to tame those bust-up blues, our Pour Decisions Chardonnay is the perfect plonk to accompany nights of sobbing. Notes of acidity and bitterness at the beginning make way for a more fruity apathetic sweetness in the middle and finally, full numbness in the body.
SINGLE WINE GLASS
Because let's face it, the drinking will be done alone. Fill with wine, or vodka, or my personal favourite - a combination of wine and vodka - to self-medicate your pain and get inebriated enough to forget their name.
EMOTIONAL RESCUE CHOCOLATE BAR
This chocolate has been scientifically formulated to treat the most common side effects of a bad breakup: incessant crying, loss of interest in life, excessive Facebook and Instagram stalking, and an overly depressed mood. Dosage: consume as required, but not too much… it's hard enough to get a date for a depressed person without adding a few extra pounds.
PREMIUM 2 PLY CRY TISSUES
The tears… when will they end? Probably never, which is why these Premium 2 Ply Cry Tissues are so great. They'll stop the eyes and nose from getting as irritated as the ex was before they left.
AND THEN CHOOSE EITHER:
Why have a human partner – you can inflate one! TheInflatable Girlfriendwon’t whine and won’t complain; she’ll just look pretty and inflate the ego with her sexy stare! Now that’s a girl you wanna…hug. (Sorry, she’s notthatkind of girl.)
But we DO have something for when the tension gets too much! Rub away those post-break-up rage and think dirty while getting clean with ourWeener Kleener Soap!
Orgasm your way to happier days with ourLifesaver Vibrator! This hot pink little number knows exactly what you need… unlike the lazy lout you’ve recently said goodbye to. It comes in its own little case, making it the perfectly purse–friendly emergency pleasure device.
But my vibrator won’t cuddle me afterwards, you say? We’ve got that covered, too! TheInflatable Boyfriend inflates when you punch him. (No joke!)Give him a right wallop and out pops the perfect sexy male specimen. (No blowing required!)
Your chosen hamper will comebeautifully boxed with a branded label, each item nestled inside amongst soft black tissue paper.
The Heartbreak Hamper is here for you in your time of need, so what are you waiting for? Shake off those blues and get over your heartbreak with our Heartbreak Hamper!Available Now!
The hamper to pamper dump-ees
Full of tasty treats & feel-good doodads
Two hampers to choose from
Comes in a stylish hamper box
Dimensions: Hamper box is 30 x 30 x 10 cms
Choose:The HamperFor a WomanorFor a Man
Ages:Purchaser and recipient must be 18 years or older
Batteries: Vibrator requires 1 x AA battery (not included)
Please note:These Hampers meet the conditions for the Victorian Commission for Gambling And Liquor Regulation's Small Business (Florist And Gifts Services) Liquor License Exemption. For more information please visit https://www.vcglr.vic.gov.au/liquor/small-temporary-event/understand-your-liquor-licence/your-obligations/minor-business-exemption